Indeed, why is it that we are revealing our master plan? Isn't this the fatal flaw that brought down most all of the other mad scientists?
It is true that it is merely a matter of time before we achieve world domination, and therefore we might as well tell all. However, it is also true that there are loftier goals than world domination. Really: we dominate the neighborhood, we ride our bikes, we devolve, the Apocalypse hits, and we then dominate the entire huddling rabble that humanity has become. How boring!
We are thus letting the world know about our insidious plans so that other bike hordes might take the hint and rise up throughout the globe. We seek a golden age of feudal warlords who will join us in raising our 40s in tribute before smashing them on each other's thick skulls!
The Chunk world is about having fun, hastening the upcoming tribulation, and saving the children. Some of us are fighting for the right to party, others are partying for the right to fight, and it doesn't matter which is which. We clear a space for ourselves on the street, and we like to think that we're an inspiration to some of those who want to see a cycling revival (and an enemy to those who don't want the revival to be fun), but we only do what we do because we can't help it.
It's ironic that the safest place to be on a bike in the city is on a fucked up Chunk bike, especially in a pack, especially on fire. Isn't that backwards? Can there be any doubt that the slide into barbarism has already begun?
People think that the post-apocalyptic world will be all rough and tough, hard living and scrabbling for survival, but that's not true at all. It'll be a glorious paradise! People will look back at today and talk about how crazy we were. They'll ask why people lived in cities where on every block, they had to scamper across a street and take their lives in their hands. They'll wonder why we lived in cities made for cars, on streets made for cars with little access corridors on the side for peds, in houses with big central front doors for cars and little side doors for people. They'll laugh at pictures of people eating in outdoor restaurants with hideous views and smells of streets and parking lots. They'll ponder the stupidity of neighborhoods full of parked cars that start blaring their sirens in the middle of the night for no reason. They'll wonder why one could murder anyone with a car and get away with it. They'll say, "no wonder civilization collapsed, everyone shut themselves up in big coffins when they wanted to go anywhere, nobody talked to each other - they could only say one thing, and that was HONK! HONK! FINGER!"
| Copyright 2003 Megulon Five <megulon5@dclxvi.org>. |
|
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License. | Last modified 8 August 2001. |